Thursday, 6 May 2010


Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you! It is a real phobia and is slowly becoming a global crisis. 198,807 facebook users suffer with this phobia and it is slowly spreading throughout the whole world. There is a facebook group dedicated to helping the sufferers of this horrific phobia, on the page you can hear stories and eye witness testimony's of how ducks are slowly taking over the world and how they are becoming a real danger to our national security.

This fear is real in my life and all started when I was aged 5 and my family decided to go on a nice walk through Dinton Pastures. My loving father gave me the job of bread carrier and I was excited to be given such responsibility at such a young age. I was excited that I would be a part of helping young ducklings grow into healthy strong ducks. I approached the waters edge and throw large amounts of bread into the water hoping that the ducks would see me as a generous giver, after a few minutes of feeding a beautiful range of birds I tied up my bag with the remaining bread still inside and turn around expecting to see my family standing there smiling at the amazing job I had done, I was surprised to find a family of ducks instead. I told the ducks that I had finished my bread giving for that section of the lake and if they wanted some they would have to go further up the lake but they refused to listen and began quacking uncontrollable at me! the force at which they quacked horrified me to my very core the ducks began to circle me and some started attacking my bread bag. I began to fear for my very life "GO AWAY" I yelled at the top of my lungs but this only made things worse as they began to jab me with their rock solid beaks, the jabs forced me to take step after step backwards until I took a step and realised that there was no longer any floor underneath my feet instead their was just water! I began to fall, I throw my arms around in the air hoping to restore some balance which would keep me on the ground and just as gave up hope and accepted my fate of getting wet my heroic father grab my arm and pulled me to safety. My father pick me up and carried me back towards the rest of the family and as my head lay on his shoulder my eyes full of tears I heard a loud and final "QUACK" which let me know that this war was not over in fact it had only just begun!.

Since then I have had some dramatic encounters with ducks. One was at my school where a group of them gathered outside the art block waiting for me to finish my lesson they stood there with pure anger in their eyes, their wings were flapping as they tried to show me how manly they are, luckily they were stopped when a group of older kids throw cans at them and chased them out of school. Another time was when a suicide duck threw itself at me when I was having a peaceful picnic with my friends in the park. This unprovoked attack was ended when a friend of mine throw an American football at the suicide duck which then ran away like a little girl duckling!

This war is serious and so far we have been winning the battles but I fear that the ducks are building a mass army which will some day be unleashed upon the unsuspecting world. Be scared and be prepared!


  1. Ahhh, you do make me chuckle..
    How could I possibly be critical of this? :)

  2. not sure whether to giggle or feel bad lol :)