Last week was Rocknations. I went to Rocknations praying for two things: money and a prophecy randomly given to me by someone.
During the first meeting I prayed and prayed for these two things believing that God could get them sorted in the first night but nothing happened, I was a little disappointed but I still had faith because we still had another four days. On the second day I went to check my bank account hoping that God had given me some money, I even promised to buy someone lunch knowing full well that i had no money but I thought who needs money when you have faith! Checked bank account it said £3.19.... Oh, looks like I would have to disappoint someone. I began to think to myself during the evening meeting and came to the logical conclusion that because i hadn't tithed this month maybe God was withholding his blessings from me and also maybe I wasn't getting a prophecy because I wasn't spending enough time with him one on one.
Third day. I knew what I had to do. I got alone before God and repeated the line "Speak to me" about 50 times, then went to the meetings that day full of faith that I had done the right thing. Nothing! Over the whole day not one prophecy and I had to ask people to borrow some money because I was completely broke, I was really getting discouraged now. I never blamed God because God is good but i started to blame myself, saying things like "you should of tithed" "you cant expect God to just give you what you ask" all these types of negative things.
On the last day I had given up. I had come to the logical conclusion that I don't deserve his blessings. I was doing my duty as leader and making sure everyone was ready to go home and I was in the last few seconds of my Rocknations experience when a girl in the youth group told me she had a prophecy but didn't know who for, she had written it down on a piece of paper I opened it up and it was so accurate for me! I would explain but that would take up another blog! Just know that what was writted down only God could have told her. I was buzzing, God had spoken to me in the last seconds before Rocknations ended howver still no money.
We get back to church and at the end of the evening meeting a dad from a fantastic church family comes to me and says that during the past week God had told him to give me some money! So he did! I was buzzing. I went home so happy and realised on the drive home that Gods love for me has nothing to do with me. If I don't tithe he still loves me, if I do tithe he still loves me, if I choose to spend my time reading the bible or getting drunk it doesn't affect the love that he has for me and not only that but because I am his child he wants to bless me and he will do so regardless of my behaviour. I got home after having an amazing prayer sess in my car and walk in and found an envelope on the table by the door with my name on it...... more money! Then my dad walks in and says I have transferred you even more money without me even asking!
Oh how he loves us!