Friday, 15 April 2011

Relationships: Dating

Dating: Where two people of opposite sex, who are attracted to each other, get together with the focus on getting to know one another to build a solid relationship without involvement of physical/romantic intimacy.

This is what we should all be aiming for. We all long for a dating relationship with someone and so we should, we were created that way! but on our quest for this mysterious, exciting and awkward thing we can get a little bit lost in our feelings and emotions. So lets clear things up a little to make sure we know what direction we are going.

Before starting the quest:
When starting out on this quest it is important to start by asking the right question. The question is not, how far can I go? or How much can I date? the question needs to be flipped it should be, How can I honour God the most when pursuing dating relationships? We must keep this question in our mind and remember that honouring God is more important then dating and when we keep this question at the fore front of our thinking it will automatically answer the other questions we have.

When I use the term honouring God I want to make it clear that this doesn't mean becoming all Super-Spiritual and praying and fasting for that perfect partner and hope that they ring your door bell because there car has just broken down outside your house and its raining so you have to invite them in and you share a hot drink in front of a roaring fire!....I believe (and feel free to disagree) that God doesn't have one perfect person for everyone and I don't see any evidence for God planning perfect partners in the Bible, in fact it is the opposite read 1 Samuel 25, David meets a girl who helps him out and looks hot so David decided to make her his wife, Lad. I believe we have a choice in the matter, I believe God gave us the skills to look for our partners and choose for ourselves all God wants from us is that when we have found this person we do the relationship his way! not our own way

Keep on the quest's track:
A verse that helps me make sure that I am doing it God's way not my own is 1 Corinthians 6:12 "Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible - but I will not be mastered by anything.
This verse is extremely helpful in keeping on the right track because it helps us ask the right questions. Instead of looking at relationships and saying that they are wrong this verse us ask is this relationship beneficial, for me?, for the person I am dating? and for the kingdom of God? if the answer is No to anyone one of these questions then surely whats the point in continuing in that dating relationship! And you can know whether it is beneficial by asking yourself yet more questions: Does it help me in my faith? Does it make me feel secure in who I am? Does it help advance the kingdom of God? (Might sound like a deep question but what is the point of doing something if it doesn't extend God's kingdom) Is this person the type of person I have dreamed of? Does it help me strengthen relationships with friends and family? Does it mold my character in a positive way?

It is important that during a dating relationship we regularly ask ourselves these questions and also that we are honest about the answers. I also strongly recommend listening to people who you respect in the faith, ask them the questions you have asked yourself and listen to their advice.

The destination of the quest:
Before we get into a dating relationship I believe it is important that we are willing and have the intention of completing the quest not just running around on path for some fun or taking certain parts of journey because they seem the most exciting, there needs to be some level of commitment that says I am ready to complete this quest. I am aware that sometimes the dating relationship just wont work out and that is absolutely fine or maybe you thought you were ready but it turns out you still have some stuff to deal with, I just think there is a danger in the idea that we can enter a dating relationship with no intention of moving forward. The danger comes because isn't it just a massive waste of time to date someone without destination or purpose? aren't we then just doing it to fulfill our own selfish desires? Aren't we just putting ourselves in temptations way? The world is to broken for us to waste time in pointless relationships, i think Paul says it best:

1 Corinthians 7:29-31
"What I mean brothers, is that the time is to short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who use the things of this world, as if they were not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away"


  1. EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! Do you get that I like what you've written? ;0) Thank you for being bold and in bringing this to the fore for all those dating or looking at dating someone.

  2. This has actually really helped me
    Thanks Dude!

  3. "Where two people of opposite sex"
    The writer completely ignores the fact that there are Hundreds of Thousands of gay people of all ages. This message does much damage to gay people, especially those of a young age. God has her reason for bringing about gays and I don't pretend to know God's reason. Many Christian churches now accept gays, with the exception of the so called "right wing" Christians and I hope that LIFE does not fall into that category!

  4. Have been struggling with some issues lately and then wahey up came your blog! Just what I needed to hear after much prayer, thank you Liam for your inspiration and wise words. Excellent! Keren

  5. YES LIAM. YES LIAM. I can't wait to talk to you :-)

  6. Liam great post- your verse is very important.

    ibeetree I understand your concern about gay people not being included in Liam's statement. However Liam is a man of God and thus has to speak the truth. Whilst God still loves people who are in gay relationships, His truth is that He created us to be with a member of the opposite sex, which is His BEST for us. It's like the whole christian dating a non-christian thing. I could well be happy but it would not be God's best for me as he has designed me to be with a woman who is going to help push me forward in my faith which is exactly what Liam has put.

  7. Let’s get a few things straight, Jeff.
    You talk about truth. Well here goes!
    God makes us the way we are!
    Gay people have no more say in the matter than
    heterosexuals do. It is not a choice situation.
    It is a perversion for a gay to have straight sex
    in the same way as if a straight were to have gay sex.
    So Liam is a “Man of God”? Who decided this? You? Him? Or you could say we are all Men & Women of God since God created us all.
    As I said before I don’t know why God created some of us gay, but it could just be as simple as population control. If you know mathematics you will understand
    that taking out 10% of a multiplication equation greatly reduces the result. Only God knows if that is the reason.
    (Sensible estimates say at least10% of the population is gay). An interesting fact is that also some animals are gay!
    I am a Christian gay and other Christians had better hurry up and accept this as there will be plenty of us in Heaven. To be fair some Churches nowadays do accept
    everyone including gays as being quite normal.
    I will finish by saying that I will not pervert God’s gift of sexuality by abstaining or by acting straight in sexual matters.
    I urge you to do the same. God bless you.

  8. God bless you ibeetree and I won't hold your sexual orientation against you but just read Genesis- "man and woman were joined together" (Genesis 2 v 24-25)- eden is God's original intention for us. When I say Liam is a man of God I mean he is a man who listens to what God is telling him to tell others and he can only speak the truth of God's word. Unfortunately God's word offends people, because it offends their lifestyles. So even if the gay population is growing what is a man like Liam to do? Bend the word of God? Not at all.
    I'll see you in heaven though ibeetree

  9. Hey, can I ask you not to discuss this issue over my blog it is not helpful to anyone because neither of you know each other or the situations and lives you come. If you would like to discuss this issue ibeetee I would be more then happy to discuss this with you at LIFE. Or maybe I could write a blog about this subject if that would help. Anyway thank you actually reading my blog it is nice to know that it is causing debates. Much Love

  10. Last word Jeff!
    I am not a tree. LOL

  11. Liam, surely the most appropriate place to comment on a blog - is on the blog; otherwise no one will know what the chat is all about. You are of course right to tell people not to chat on your blog when it has nothing to do with the blog (I have seen your previous admonishments.)
    If you had just said "Where two people ... " there would have been no comment from me; however you said "Where two people of opposite sex" which is clearloy sexist!